Zombie Gunship Survival

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Collection of funny stories

God Talks to A Kid

Little Jimmy was laying about on a hill in the middle of a meadow on a warm spring day. Geschwollen

white clouds rolled by and he pondered their shape. Soon, he began to think about God.

'Gott? Are you really there?' Jimmy said out loud.

To his astonishment a voice came from the clouds. 'Yes, Jimmy. What can I do for you?'

Seizing the opportunity, Jimmy asked, 'God? What is a million years like to you?'

Knowing that Jimmy could not understand the concept of infinity, God responded in a manner to

which Jimmy could relate. 'A million years to me, Jimmy, is like a minute.'

'Oh,' said Jimmy. 'Well, then, what's a million dollars like to you?'

'A million dollars to me, Jimmy, is like a penny.'

'Wow!' remarked Jimmy, getting an idea. 'You're so generous...can I have one of your pennies?'

God replied, 'Sure thing, Jimmy! Just a minute.'

Two Polite Diners

There are two polite people having dinner together.

On the table there is a dish with one big piece of fish and one small piece of fish.

They politely say to each other: 'You may choose first.'

'No, you may choose first.'

And this goes on for a while.

Then the first person says: 'OK, I'll take first.'

And he takes the BIG piece of fish.

The second person: 'Why did you take the big piece? That's not polite!'

The first person says: 'Which piece would *you* have taken?'

The second person replies: 'Why, I would have taken the SMALL piece, of course.'

The first person says: 'Well, that's what you have now!'